I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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