I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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