I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
