At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
