Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize