Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
