I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
