I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
