Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
