Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
whose parrot is this?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
