i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
