Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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