Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
