just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize