you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
