Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
