I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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