i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
