Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
