I'm so fucking centered right now
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
