i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
