your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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