She said her name was "party"
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
