I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
