Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize