I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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