by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
