We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
