You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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