Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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