flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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