somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
