I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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