the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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