nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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