Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
