Just fell off a train. Bad.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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