You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
