i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
