and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
