You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
