That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
