I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
