Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize