I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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