Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
