i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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