lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
