Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
