I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
