No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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