I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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