If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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