shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
