its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
