I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
