New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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