i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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