She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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