Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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