dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm bleeding and have questions
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
