Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
