using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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