if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
