you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
