So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
