fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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