i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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