I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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