this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
