When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
