I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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