Cold hands, warm shart.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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