she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
