Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
